Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

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I can read

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have a reading level above third grade

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I actually pay taxes

I don’t buy bullshit

I see through liars

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I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Atheists, there is a god up there in heaven and he loves you so much that he sent his son to die the worst death imaginable and then to turn into a zombie all to save you from sin. Why do you reject him?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

How do you relax?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I can count

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Why do women stubbornly refuse to let men lead, even though they are attracted to the man, and the man both loves and desires them? Why do they get angry and blame the man when he gets fed up and walks away, when it's entirely their own fault?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

What are "demonic attacks" and how can one tell when they're happening to them, or someone else? How would one go about dealing with it?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Who was the actor least deserving of an Academy Award?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

J.K. Rowling said that 65% of people in Britain are transgender. Where did she come up with that statistic?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Is there a type of function where every point has exactly one tangent line passing through it? If yes, what is this type of function called?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t cotton to rapists